First Date

Today I went to Maylands (with the intention of visiting Mrs S. Cafe but this is the second time I've been and it's been closed. One day..) and armed with Kikki K Goals book and my nanna's xmas money I went on a date with myself.

Calamari and goal setting for lunch at Rifo's Cafe.
Finding THE perfect black maxi skirt at Avenue Apparel. (and a couple of shirts, teehee!)
Stopping by The Sherbet Bakery and indulging in some amazing carrot cake and a phone call with my B <3

And then I did the best thing ever and smashed out 40 mins at the gym. *sigh* Perfect end to a me date. There's definitely going to be more of these. I never realised how fun I can be :p

Then and Now.

I sort of want to do a huge reflective post, like I did coming into 2011, or was it 10? I dunno. No matter. I won't be doing just that. I don't have enough photos. Or motivation. Here's the 'long story short' version.


^ this time last year...
I was living in Baldivis, (waaaaay south of the cbd) in the house David had just bought us. I blogged about my kitties and how excited I was about the city. When really I was hating on the fact I was unemployed and lived so far away from anyone I knew. I hardly got any photos because my Canon 550D was just too heavy to take everywhere. On this particular day (look I was still on my P's!) I drove to the city to hang with Hannah. I knew no one knew and had no idea what the future held.


^ today...
I'm living at my stepdad's house in Greenwood (waaaaay north of the cbd) and this is the second time I've moved this year! I rarely get time to blog because I'm either working, driving to and from work or spending my down time with friends. Lately I've been meeting so many great people,  I have wonderful supportive people around me that are happy to share their networks with me! (I have a lot more memories to share due to my Sony DSCHXV9.) I've broken off two relationships since this time last year; both have taught me some invaluable lessons and that's what I need to focus on. I went from being the child to the mother. (both bad!) And I put other people's feelings, wants and needs before my own :) Right now I am in the best place. I am confident at my job. I am connecting with my family like never before. And I'm free. To put me first. For the first time in over 4 years.

Here's to getting everything I want in 2012. Because I deserve it.

Seriously, you'd think that it'd be the most natural thing in the world but noooo, not for me. As soon as I start jogging I hold my breath. Unless I consciously think about it. And then sometimes I think so much I lose track of it too. Yeah, Beau & I are working on it.

Weekend recap

I've recently bought a 365 book from Kikki.K (Every time I'm in that store I think of Eleanor now) and I've been surprisingly good at keeping up with it. I think I'm 12 days strong. Since I'm so committed there, and because it's mainly for secrets and feelings... I thought I'd try the blogging regularly thing again. Trying to post a snippet of my life every day, just because, so I can share with others and my future self.

So here's the first. My weekend. Was busy. And awesome. Busy awesome crazy fun.

Friday night I went to DJ's 21st at The Breakwater. It was so damn fun there was no time for photos. It was great to catch up with old friends and celebrate a great friend's birthday. Seriously, this guy. He helped me move my bed into my parent's house on his birthday. I had no idea until we were in the van driving down that morning that he was willing to give up 3 hours of his day for little old me. I'm planning on getting him a slushy machine for his birthday when I find one that's adequate. I don't want one that just crushes ice if you have it on hand. Ridiculous. Anyway yes, back to the point. Highlight of the night was meeting one Miss Rachel Jones. We became fast friends with talk of old email addresses and our mutual love of Missy Higgins. We attempted a San Churro's trip around the 'block' but the lady behind the counter told us they were closed. Devastated as the door was open and we sprinted the last 10 metres when we saw it. Haha. I can't wait for more nights like this one with DJ & co. They all live right near me!

Saturday at work was a surprisingly good day. My boss knows I get down and overwhelmed on Saturday usually so he caught me early and told me to get my Monday on. $18,000 or something later, I couldn't believe how well that philosophy works. And yes, it's a little weird that Monday's are my favourite (and best sales) days at work. If I thought at the time the day couldn't get any better, I totally eat my own thoughts. Ha. Yeah, it's hot and I'm melting here, brain included.

Point being, LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING. It was a 50s party for a lovely lady's 21st. That lovely lady was Karen. I didn't know Karen, but I did know Mark. And it was destiny that he should ask me to go along. (when I found out the theme I was hoping he would!) Here's the only photo I got of us (again, little photos, lots of fun!) Doesn't he look dapper?

I spent most of the evening on a couch talking to wonderful people about everything from reality tv to the legalisation of mary jane. And when I wasn't, I was stuffing my face with cider, boiled egg thingys and Karen's amazing little lemon meringuey things! :D Seriously scrummy. The end of the night left me with an overwhelming sense that this was all meant to happen; I never would have never met these wonderful people if things weren't as they were. And that is definitely making this easy for me, getting over the breakup. I also left Karen and Ben's house that night with a handful of new best friends. We're going to have copious amounts of dinner parties! I can see it now. Quote of the evening: "Ebony, you are definitely getting an invite to my party on your own, wait, Mark can be your +1" - Karen. I love this girl. And these goodies. The Retro Cookbook by Women's Weekly is number one on my xmas list.


So today, after a cramp-filled sleep (my stupid calf decided to seize up!) at Mark's house we went for breakfast at The Imp. Despite the fact the owner told me to take a copy of the menu home at my own risk (and something about breaking my face. Weird sense of humour. He said it with the straightest of faces!) it was freaking delightful. I got waffles with lavender syrup and a side of eggs (what can I say? I felt like savoury and sweet) and they were jaw-dropping good. After re-fuelling we took a walk to Crow Books and I picked up some Perth guides, 'Just My Type' by Simon Garfield and The Goddess Guide. Nothing like a good book hunt (totally inspired by Karen's library!)


I said goodbye to Mark and then drove home just in time to be picked up by my new friend Beau! Beau was my personal trainer at first, and lately we've been doing more eating than training together. We're gonna find a balance this upcoming week and get back into the gym :) Anyway, today we'd agreed that he was gonna surprise me with a day out. In the past I've told people I don't like surprises, when really they're my favourite. Was good to be able to finally say this to someone, and recieve one! We took the ferry from the city to South Perth and headed to the zoo! I'd never been to the zoo in Perth before. In fact I hadn't been to a zoo since I was 6 or 7, so it was the perfect day out.



We pottered about and saw the tiniest marsupials, gorgeous orangutans and an asian elephant going to the toilet. We had a lunch of quiche, chips, sushi and slushies in a clearing. We were disappointed that only kids were allowed on the carousel, (seriously, what gives) and before we knew nearly 4 hours had passed and our parking would have expired! We hopped back on the ferry and hallelujah! no ticket! Which put us in a high spirits again so we blasted Ball Park Music and drove to Hillarys Boat Harbour to finish the avo with San Churros sundaes! They will definitely be my treat of choice from now on. It was such a magical day; I have the best friends.



And yes that is some brand new style and colour I'm rocking lately. A change is as good as a holiday right? :) Well congrats if you got this far. I'm not sorry for the novel though, I had to gush it all before y short term memory fails me. Haha. It's really not that bad being 'Just Ebs'. In fact, I might change my blog name to reflect this new freedom. Thoughts?

Starting with thanks,

I think it's really sad that we don't celebrate Thanksgiving over here. To be perfectly truthful I don't know the history behind the holiday too well (feel free to enlighten me) but I love the idea about what it means now. I love seeing the thankful facebook updates and blog posts :) Australia should definitely get on board with having a day that we stop taking things for granted and remember to appreciate the little things.

So here goes,

My B, for being the best friend I've ever had. For being there in good times and the rough ones too. For always making time to catch up. And for being the sort of friend I always want to catch up with. Thanks for forgiving me for that time I threw water on you. Thanks for the little compliments you randomly award me. Thanks for bitching about boys and allowing me to go back on what I said. Thanks for having things other than other people to talk about. Thanks for loving different movies, music, clothing and perfume taste to me. (It keeps things interesting!) Thanks for being patient when we shop together. And thanks for paying for my muffin and parking today even though it was your birthday. You rock.

My family, even though sometimes I think I don't belong to any of you, you've helped shape who I am. Lately I've relied on you more than I think I ever had, and it's not that bad. Thanks for offering wisdom and options. Thanks for putting up with my shit. For teaching me to be strong. And for letting me find my own way.

Tyson, for always picking up right where we left off. For making me laugh and smile so much my face and belly hurt. For showing me cool bands and making me feel cool. Friendship has never been this easy and I'm never gonna take it for granted.

Yvette, for showing me how gorgeous life is. From William Street to Frankie magazine. My world changed the moment I met you. I realised I wanted more. And that I could be more than I was. You have no idea.

Sally-Ann, for being nothing but you. You are strong. You are inspiring. And you are such a genuinely beautiful soul. My life is greater because you are in it. Thanks for letting me claim the couch. And for being so there for me the past month and a half. I'm sorry we are having to go through this, but I'm glad it has brought us closer together.

Krystel, for being crazy fun and full of life! I always know I'm gonna have fun when I'm with you. You have the most awesome sense of style and character. Your presence makes me happier :) I am so damn grateful you're in the big city with me. Yay for big city adventures! Together.

Mark, for making me feel like a great person and friend. And being one in return.

Nathan, Amanda and Jane... for being the best co-workers I've had. For being invaluable to the mending of my broken heart. For being the first ones to come to the rescue; keep me busy and keep putting a smile on my face. You are all freaking amazing individuals.

Beau, for being the best personal trainer I've ever had ;p I definitely need to make more time for you. You are a constant in my life that I don't wanna change. Thanks for putting up with my whinging and always listening. ACTUALLY listening. You are a wonderful man.

My job at JBs, for rocking. Even though I have to drive so far every morning to get to you. The people I get to meet through you are priceless. You make me crazy happy most days and it won't be the same the day you're not in my life anymore.

I'm also mighty thankful for the amount of floral dresses, tea flavours and blogs I have at my disposal at any given time. I am also thankful that tomorrow I am not doing anything in the evening except cleaning my room and possibly this blog. About time I got back into it.

Dear Diary...

Getting a bit like that isn't it?
I feel like I can't possibly write about anything until I've vented about all the crap going on in my head as of late.
Last Tuesday I kissed a boy. It was awkward. I don't want to take it any further. It just made me realise how easy Craig and I was. And it scared the crap out of me. Because I didn't (and don't) want to be back with Craig anytime soon, or those feelings to even re-develop. So I messaged Craig saying I couldn't be friends and continue on as normal straight away because I still loved him yada yada. I couldn't catch up with him the next day as we had planned. I needed space. He got angry, he got sad, I got unusually calm. That was that.

24 hours later he messages saying that his heart was broken. Can't live without me. Wanted to start over being friends and eventually fall back in love with me. And I am stunned. Numb. Knocked off my feet. I don't think this is what I want so I play it cool with "let's not talk about this over text or the phone".

I spend all day NOT thinking about him but then I'm driving home from dropping Nath off and I go past the turn off to my old home. I'm such a sucker. I message Craig saying we need to talk and we end up talking it out over the phone because I don't feel like I should have to make the effort to go back there and he doesn't want to come all the way up to see me at my parents.

Long and short of it. He's kissed Jo. His co-worker. More than once. He doesn't regret it. Or think it was a mistake. And he wouldn't take it back. This is all just what I can re-call. Because again, all I really remember is feeling numb. I ended up telling him about Tom because although I wasn't going to, I feel like honesty is the best policy. And all Craig said was he didn't need to know that. I shouldn't have told him.

So fuck knows where that leaves us. This is what I do know...
- I don't see myself being in a relationship with Craig for a very long time, yet I can still picture us growing old together.
- Neither of us is willing to give an inch on making the time to see eachother; me because I did that in the first month and all Craig did was lie about where we stood, one way or another. And Craig because he doesn't want to get hurt.
- I can't wrap my head around dating. But I'd like to. Starting with Mario Kart speed dating at 1UP. Stay tuned!

I&apos;m not a modest person.

Today I found out that I was 12th in the country for rent smart sales last week. I also beat my dollar budget even though I wasn't in my computer section for two days. AND I was 5 connects away from making top guns in the region. To those of you not in sales, I realise it means next to nothing. I just, I did good.

And who was the 1st person I wanted to tell? Craig. So I tried telling everyone else but still ended up calling him. It's weird how some days I want nothing to do with us and other times nothing means more. Enough on that.


In other news, I trained to work today. Was pretty fun and I didn't even need to hop off to catch an adjoining one, either way, because my train was it! :D I felt pretty 80s today with my crimped hair and white headphones. If I had 'big city life' on my phone it would have been on repeat. Not to self: add that song ASAP. :D

Well it's way past my bed time but my mind is pretty wired. Can't help but notice how lonely my bed is tonight... :/

Starting Now...

Today I was driving Rana's car to Claremont. Bopping along to Boys, Boys, Boys. Patting myself for getting 6 connects even though we had no new iPhones in stock. Thinking fondly of last night's festivities (upcoming post) and the great times I've had with amazing friends lately. And I realised something. I was doing this all on my own.

Sure, being single is more expensive; I spend a crap load on fuel getting to places and have almost gone over my cap already due to being so sociable. I also haven't settled into a routine of eating proper dinners yet, cooking for one blows. Especially after a long day at work. And living at my parent's place sucks when I go into pretty shops with Miss Carlie and I see cute housey things.
But man does it have it's advantages... being able to hang said amazing people and just a general sense of freedom. I seem to have so much more time on my hands in the mornings and I love pottering around enjoying my own company. I seem to always have a smile on my face and I have ME to thank for it. I'm making a lot more effort in everything.

I haven't cried due to feeling lost and trapped and not comfy with where I am in life since we split. That's not to say I haven't cried, because I miss Craig a lot. I miss the company and I miss that way of life; living in Vic Park so close to everything and the independence. But that feeling hasn't taken over since the start of the week so I'm on the right track :)
I am eternally grateful to the people that have helped with their words, advice, ears and company. I'm going to be ok. <3

It's called a break up because it's broken.

Well then. Yes the title means the worst and best (and mainly worse) thing imaginable has happened. Craig and I have broken up. I say worst because it hurts my heart, I spend a lot of my down time drinking and it could have been well avoidable. I say best because, well, I don't want to seem like a complete fucking emo. That and now I really have a chance to find myself.

My name is Ebony and I like tea. Without sugar. Sometimes honey. Always soy milk. I even add soy milk in black teas that don't necessarily need it. And I'm talking a lot of milk. Mmmm milky tea.

Apart from that I really have no idea who I am. I haven't been single since I was 16 years old. Not for a day. Okay, maybe my relationship status on Facebook (or myspace back then) reflected that I wasn't connected to anybody, but that's never been the case. I have always had someone else's thoughts in mind. Someone else's feelings to consider. Someone to care for and share with and fall asleep thinking about. It was cosy. And I haven't really regretted any of it. I've learned alot along the way....

When I was 13 I learned that I had a power. And was easily pressured into doing grown-up things. I wanted to prove myself. I was starting to become attractive to boys; with my big forehead, red hair and gangly legs. I wasn't able to make up my mind and I often didn't have to; stringing along more than one at a time with the promise of a french kiss and maybe a little more. I grew up way too fast.

I cheated on nearly every boyfriend I had in highschool; I think it all stemmed from my first. I was in grade 1 and he was the year above. He was a tall lad with quite strong arms; he pushed my friend and me on the swingset at camp all afternoon so naturally he became my beau. We were all sleeping in a hall; boys on one side and girls on the other... but we were attached by the fact he was wearing my maroon scrunchie on his wrist while he slept. Yep. It was love. Haha. Fast forward to the morning camp finished (which may or may not have been the next day, I don't remember) and instead of manning up and telling him it wasn't going to work out, I let it get back to him by telling my swing friend that I only had a crush on one boy. And it wasn't our resident pusher. *sigh*

My teen years were a blur of boys and boyfriends and I didn't really like living at home very much. I starting playing touch football and fighting with my year 12 boyfriend, badly. Cue David. He was the first older guy I'd ever been with. And we moved in together almost instantly. Not just because of the first sentence in this paragraph. I truly believed I loved him. But I wasn't ready. And I knew this at the time. But I did as I thought was normal when you care about someone. You give them what they want. They're were amazing days, weeks, months. But there was some fucking hard times too. My Dad committed suicide and things were never the same after that. They couldn't be. I couldn't be. But for so long I put off getting help. I was broken and so my relationship could be nothing but in the end.

Breaking up with Craig is still too fresh to go into details, it still stings to think about it. I'm sitting in the room we shared for months and I'm still getting used to the idea that I have to move out. That part is hard. I feel like I put everything into this relationship that I could at the start and I just burnt out. Money. Career decisions. I sacrificed everything because I was deeper in love than I'd ever been. We used to joke about couples fighting; we decided we were perfect. When really we were too stubborn and stupid and too proud to admit we needed to talk. Needed to vent. Needed to be honest with one another. We took it for granted and in the past week it got to the point where there was nothing left to fight for except the butterflies. I dunno, I think I'm just rambling emotionally now.

In short; breakups suck. I don't really want to move in with my parents and be a kid again but maybe that's exactly what I need. Me-time. Selfish time. Family time. Friend time. Time to find myself. I think I also need space too, alone. So the hunt is on. And the worms are out of the can. I'm not all smiles and energy. I'm strong because I'm scared. But I'm going to be ok. I have to be. Sink or swim :)

Meeting The Paper Kites.

*clears throat* Well then, hello there. Let's leave the apologies for the absence to later. Much bigger fish to fry! Speaking of, fish & chips is what we started last night with :) After a little "what do I wear?" "You don't have to iron my shirt" "Of course I'm happy to, I just wish you'd gotten it organised before tonight" "Do you have your id?" "Course I have my id, let's go :)" "We're here" "Oh crap, I can't find my id SORRY BUBS :(" "It's ok, we can drive back and get it..." "Bubs, I found it" "Here we are again! :)" "We don't really have time for yummy burgers now do we?" situation.

Then off to The Astor Theatre! We were lucky enough to run into Hannah and her man Ben twice before we entered so we saw it as fate and made our way to the front of the stage. I had bought a brand new compact camera for the night (and for the ones that will no doubt follow) and was glad I had done so. The website for the gig so no professional cameras and some people less than 3 metres away were given stern words about using they're cameras shortly after we arrived. They had a Canon 5D (or something around that) for pete's sake! :D


First up was the act Craig and I went for. The Paper Kites. (A little Melbournite band that I discovered while making Craig's first mix tape.) And they did not disappoint! I am just so so happy they played 'Bloom' (if you haven't heard it yet, check it here.) as that was the track that is the "soundtrack of (our) love" (Christina's words, not mine!) Who be that you ask? Oh none other than the girl member of aforementioned band!!! EEP!!!
I was so excited to meet them :) And they were so excited that I had a copy of their first EP for them to sign. Yeah that's right, Peyton Sawyer eat your heart out. That sweetness isn't available for sale anymore. So here's me. Damn excited to have this good-looking crew in a photo with me. *sigh* I love mine and Craig's adventures. And we get to see them again in November when they come back to support Boy &Bear!

Emma Louise was up next and she wasn't what I expected at all. I mean sure, she's crazy talented. But she was wearing THE shortest dress seductively swaying with her guitar. I just, expected something more sensitive. I dunno, maybe I'm just being a bitch. Not all folky Australians need to dress like Julia Stone. I just didn't rate her after seeing her. Although Jungle is an amazing song.


Then Josh! Oh Josh Pyke! It was amazing. He was amazing. His lead guitarist was amazingly into it. Singing to Memories and Dust with Hannah. Filming Middle of The Hill for Lawrence. Seeing Katy Steele and Josh on stage performing Punch In The Heart together... Wow. If I hadn't stood up for 16 hours that day I would have said it was one of the greatest nights of my life. But man was I drained afterwards, straight to bed with a smile on my face.


So, life is pretty sweet at the moment. I still have moments when I get completely fed up and lose interest in everything. But it's mostly good times. And that has a lot to do with this guy. He's pretty great.

21 before 21.

1. sew something, anything.
2. partake in a pot luck :)
3. scrap and print a digital album.
4. take a cooking class.
5. have a pretty desk for creative stuffs.
6. try a new tea every month.
7. enrol at shillington college.
8. take a road trip.
9. get a library card.
10. find a tangible copy of killing heidi's reflector.
11. join a netball team again.
12. bake someone a birthday cake.
13. volunteer.
14. try yoga.
15. see paper kites in concert.
16. read 5 new books.
17. busk.
18. get my rsa.
19. take a first aid course.
20. pay off my credit card.
21. save 10,000.

20 before 20, revisited.

1. find a job. check!
2. find a full time job i love. check!
3. make a bosom friend. does craig count? we are so similar it's crazy, and good.
4. learn to sew. yeah, um working on that one.
5. work out my allergies/intolerances. see above answer, hehe :)
6. hold a dinner party. this really isn't my style. i'd like to do a potluck sometime this year.
7. win a game of real life scrabble against david. yeah, we didn't play enough scrabble to do so. think i'll scrap this one off the list altogether.
8. scrap; make time for it. enjoy it. wow, this one has really hasn't stuck. i've done one page this year. hmm. needs more work.
9. visit margaret river. i took a spontaneous trip with craig to dunsborough a few months ago. we had an absolute ball so it's close enough :)
10. get a library card. still to do. 
11. buy an instant camera. i have instagram, hipstamatic and lemelemecam on the iphone, i don't think a polaroid camera is too necessary right now.
12. try zumba. ha! i actually did this. with david's mum and sister. it was too fast and too little a class and i dunno, i haven't been too keen to go back. but i did it! :D yay!
13. take an evening cooking class. this is still something i want to do.
14. watch an afl match live. this is happening next sunday! :DDD
15. have date nights. :) we've been to rifo's italian restaurant, sucker punch, darwin deez and the moon for late night dessert pizza, took a trip to dunsborough for the night, spent mornings browsing stores after hot imp drinks, caught the midnight screening of harry potter, had v burgers from the view in kings park, spent the day at the hillary's on a double date (double pts!) involving aquariums and chocolate restaurants and just recently headed to burger edge for the most delicious burger yet. this task was well and truly smashed in the last 3 months.
16. stop eating packaged sugary junk. well it's been cut down. i don't just purchase copious amounts of chocolate bars out of vending machines and in terms of junk; maccas and the like aren't really choices anymore... i'd call that a win.
17. try 1 new restaurant a month. yes and yes.
18. attend a costume party with a kick-arse handmade costume. i did attend an 80s themed party and i went so far as to crimp my hair so i'm giving this a tick.
19. create a space to let my creativity flow. still working on this one, along with the scrapping and stuffs.
20. make a tangible album documenting my last teen-year. this one's an epic fail. but i do have a wall mural going on documenting our love, so i feel okay about it :)


For something I never really gave any thought to due to massive life changed (who has time for a silly list?! :D), I actually achieved a lot this year. Tomorrow I turn twenty. No teen for me. Bit scared that I haven't 'done anything with my life' yet... Ah well it's all a work in progress.


New goals as of tomorrow!

nomnoms.

I love food. I love that a great meal and great company can really make the difference to my day. Craig and I have been trying to save like mad for the upcoming Melbourne/Tas trip but one thing that never gets sacrificed is our grocery list... Salmon, Beef Stroganoff, Tacos and Stirfry are a few of our regular dishes... but I love when things like home made pizza and fruity crumpets just come together :) Finger food is the best.

July in an instant.

Last month was a goodun. 1. I went to my first and last midnight screening of Harry Potter and yes, I cried a bit when it was over. For no other reason than it was over. *sigh* 2. This winter has been hard with no tumble dryer (smelly towels and damp jumpers are the enemy) so we took a trip to the laundromat and spent an hour or so eating chinese food and listening to an old lady talk ghosts :D 3. I've been cutting back on clothes shopping but I still seem to have no money! The bills are getting paid and we have sweet half price beanies from The Basement in Myer though, so we happy. Will definitely come in handy when we take our trip to Melbourne and Tas in less than a month :) 4. Aaaand I finally got to see the view of Perth at night; we grabbed burgers in Vic Park and headed up there. Perfect view and a perfect night.

Other highlights in July included decorating the walls with snaps and posters, a new haircut and colour, Craig getting his old job back at JBs so we have more play money, catching up with my cousin Mel for pancakes and shopping and helping mumma choose laminex for  the kitchen in the house she's building. Nothing really beats time with family and friends.

So yes, that's July. And August is already shaping up to be amazing. How was your month? What adventures did you go on? Tell me!

A Rather Nice Day

I've been a regular customer at the dentist as of late. Wisdoms coming through, throat caning and caps coming off everywhere! This particular Saturday I really didn't feel like cruising into work and having to have my mouth constantly yapping. Ouch. Instead we slept in, took some Diflam (just me) and went to Ikea for a spot of lunch.

Meatballs, chips, quiche, 2 muffins, cheesecake, salad bowl, bread roll, sauce, iced coffee and a soft drink for less than $30? Bliss. We had a quick cruise around and then I was feeling rather sick again so it was nap time :)

Aaaand this is my boyfriend. He's a cutie. I'm smitten. We have fun.

ps. This album is amazing. We bought it from cdbaby.com and it got delivered in less than two weeks :) Obadiah's sound is very acoustic breakfast boppy. (John Mayer-ie with an edge.) That should be it's own genre. Craig and I both agreed if we owned a cafe this would be the number one played album. Plus the cover reminds me of Selise's blog. Happy times.

Today is the day.

To re-build my life.
Compared to this time last year...
New job. New friends. New crush. New role at work. New house. New area. New found control. New found lack of. New found love. New determination.

Today is the day. Thanks for sticking around.

No comment.

Body issues. Body issues. I am so damn sick of them. It's getting cold here and I've lost my trackpants to be able to go for early morning walks. I'd love to just go and buy new pants but I can't afford it. I get paid $700 next week and it's all pretty much gone. I have been having to pay for everything and it sucks. I just want to be independent and this relationship has made me become the sole provider; a complete turn around. I love this boy but maaaan, I don't know what his plan was gonna be without me. Starve?

I've been doing pretty well at work, hence the moulah moulah but I can feel I'm going to lose motivation if it keeps going on crap that's not for me. I need to budget. I say it's ok and it's not. This place is become awfully mopey so if you don't comment for a while I honestly don't mind. I've just become a shadow of the happy person I used to be. And work is my escape. My happy time. How sad is that?

In other (happier) news, I may have found a touch rugby team. Again, need new work out gear. Pretty things will make me happy :) I just want to be in shape so my clothes fit me nicely. And so I don't get sick this winter. Healthy healthy. When's the last time I took a photo?

Gah.

....

Things have changed. I've made choices. Life is different. But good. So good. I've been scared to 'tell' you guys about it because I didn't want to be judged. Or I didn't want to disappoint people. Especially Maggie. I think I had Mags in mind as soon as it happened. But I've fallen in love. In love with someone else. And it seems so soon. Bu to me it's not. In my mind David and I were over a long time ago. Heck, even in his mind we were. But no one else knew. We kept it quiet. And here we are. And I've moved on. Maybe it's too soon. Maybe it's a mistake. But it sure doesn't feel like it to me. I'm happy. And broke. And happily broke. And I just wanted to share. Because I miss you all. And I miss keeping in touch.

Crash

The other day my hdd crashed on my laptop :( It's completely irretrievable. Thankfully I am backed up (on backblaze) until about 2 months ago, so I didn't lose too many photos. We'll see how I go about retrieving my stuff in a zip file though. I'm just scared. I have the worse luck with computers! :D Definitely gonna set up time machine when I get it back... purchased a new external so I'm ready.

Been kicking some major butt at work... so much so that my budget has gone up to 11 connects a week; I started on 9. So that makes me happy. I like being able to help people choose the right plan and phone for them, as lame as that sounds.

Aaaaand, David and I are taking a break and I don't know about our chances of getting back together are. It was all getting too hard with fifo and feelings and you know when you've been together an age and the passion is just all gone? You should treat eachother better than anyone, be on the same team and boost one another's confidence... well we were at the stage where you do the opposite. So I don't wanna ramble too much about it here just now but I haven't really told anybody and wanted to get it down somewhere. I don't think it's going to ever go back to how it was. Which is fucking sad.

Through all this I haven't been blogging and I'm sick of it. I want a documentation of my life in 10 years. With photos and thoughts and opinions. I don't want to censor my writing anymore because someone I read might not like it.

Gooooood Friday!

Today I was woken up at the usual time by the kitties; 7:30ish and after mulling around for a few hours I decided it was time to get my butt into gear for a productive day off.


I did 4 loads of washing and learned how to fold a fitted sheet. Yes, I am a nanna :) But I have mad nanna skillzzz. I am really in love with the set we have on at the moment (see above) - it's so bohemian feeling and neutral which means I can change up the decor any way I like! I'm super excited to get our new bedroom furniture in two weeks - it's got a nice vintage feel and I'm going to be reno-ing it a bit :)


I cleaned the bathrooms and the toilets, sorted the pantry and fridge, jumped in the shower, took my chances on our deli being open and it was! so I grabbed the ingredients for chocolate cupcakes. I took a bit of the sugar out of the original recipe but I plan on adding whipped chocolate cream/mousse on top to make up for it. If my co-workers like them tomorrow I will definitely post the recipe. Just need a second opinion.


Possibly the nicest surprise today was going outside to put the rubbish out and this little flower grabbing my attention. I swear it grew overnight! I never even saw it's huge stem before. Ah, I love little miracles like that... So now, tell me all about how Good your Friday was! I want to hear all about it :)

We Can Try

I feel like I've come full circle. This time last year I was in a completely different place in my life but the feeling was the same. A little unsure. A little excited. I have my dark bangs back and as silly as it sounds I think it's made a world of difference. I've been pretty down lately and felt like something is missing. Besides the fact that David is away 9/14 days. I'm going to work at filling the gap again... I miss playing sport, scrapping, baking, blogging... Teams aren't easy to find down here but it is a cinch for me to open up my computer and start playing with photos again. I need to make the time to bake and to blog. I'm going to stop lurking facebook like a creep, heck I might even work up the courage to delete it. This is my outlet; my collection of thoughts and stories and adventures.


Speaking of, lately we've been gardening. Will have to get some photos to document our progress seeing as I remembered to take before photos :) Anywho, I'm off to work :) I love not having to start until 1pm on a Thursday because I work the late night hours. I'm definitely a morning person.

Ware? There.

Yesterday I went to Mt Lawley (read: coolest place on earth) to catch up with my little B and have luncheon :) We went to grill'd and it was de'lish! On a roll we decided we'd do a bit of pondering... And we came across an amazing store full of trinkies and fun things! Exclamation mark! They were playing hits off the Garden State soundtrack and the lady at the counter was so welcoming... I couldn't help but buy these two gorgeous little cat bowls (cute pet things are hard to find!) and a couple of pencil-looking pens which I thought were the niftiest things ever. I've actually already lost mine at work so hopefully it turns up - it didn't last a day! Haha.

Shops like Woolworths and Coles aren't open here on Sundays so Bec took me to a little IGA and Farmer's market up near her student accommodation.  I picked up the rest of the ingredients for risotto for under $20. 99c for a massive zucchini?! Can't beat that. It was just a really nice afternoon... concluding with picking David up and having dinner together. He flew out again this morning but will be back Wednesday night. His roster is all over the place lately but it's great to see little snippets of him here and there :) Tonight I'm on my own again so I'm gonna clean and try maybe get a page of scrapping done.

I definitely need a smaller lens for my camera so it's more portable! How much more fun would it be to share and look back on these times with photos included? Argh!

Good things come in threes.

My blog posts come in ones, sporadically. But that doesn't mean they're not good, right? :p Ah... what have I been doing with myself? Crying a lot really.

Explanation: I miss 'home'. While this house here with David should feel like it, when he's away I just feel alone and detached. I go to work; I'm happy as larry. I come home and I just sink into this slump. I'm not one of those live-alone social butterflies but I don't get to be a coupley homebody because my other half isn't here 9/14ths of the time. This sort of leaves me at crazy cat lady status and while I normally laugh it off, last night I came to my wit's end.

Yes Man. Great movie. I wish I could emulate the message. I guess that's my little goal and I just had to write it down here. I've wanted to for so long, I just didn't want all my posts to turn into sobfests. I now feel like I've got it off my chest and when I write about happy times it won't seem forced or fake. We're all up to speed. I'm sad - I want to be happier :)

IT'S NOT ALL BAD!

1. I've finally got the hang of work. I've made budget the last 3 weeks! (Target = last years sales, Budget = double the target and the store goal for me.) Which means gold stars, good pay and a sense of achievement which is always a nice feeling.

2. I recently went to a Telco roadshow (for those who aren't aware, I work for jb hifi in the Telstra dealer department) which is  basically a day of playing with new phones and learning about new phone plans. I made a few friends and my name was picked out of a barrel to participate in one of two teams; competing for the chance to win an HTC HD7 phone. Aaaaand we won!

3. I got a call Friday from John at Sony Ericsson saying he had good news. Turns out my name was in the right place at the right time again and I won a Sony Xperia Play as well! I never really win anything, but two things in the one day? My luck is changing :)

I think I really should buy a lotto ticket Tuesday :D If I won I'd get my passport and pop on over to Michigan. Imagine the road trip Sara! And yes, Bec, you can come too.


So yessum, I still exist. And now it's time to live. No day but today....

Pancakes Day!

Last weekend was a long one and David was home for it! The best thing about Tuesday being my rdo is that when Monday's a public holiday I actually get a 3 day weekend :) I'm excited to see what that means around easter time. Anyway, last Tuesday was International Pancakes Day and our favourite foreshore restaurant was doing half price pancakes all day :DDD

We got a spot inside right near the massive open window, it was perfect. And so was the food! I got my pancakes for $5.50 so I also invested in a fruit salad to make up the difference. Oh man it was good and the pancakes serve was massive! David got french toast and bacon. It made me think of that time I attempted that dish... hehe. 

After our brekkie we stayed out - David had a stroll on the beach (pass on the sand for me thanks!) and then we did a spot of furniture browsing. Man it's expensive! We decided on the set we love and even though it's from one of the cheapest outlets it's still going to cost over 2 grand. *sigh* I wanna lay-by it but David wants it now, and of course he can afford it but I don't have the dosh for my half and don't wanna let him buy it all. It's only at times like these that we notice our age difference... he has a degree and a steady income. I'm just getting by with a retail job. Ah well, things will be different after next year, and I mean it could be worse. He's a great support. He just also loves to shop.

So yes, Steel Tree @ The Foreshore is amazing. It was just a really nice morning that turned into a really nice day. We're gonna make breakfast out and about our Tuesday tradition :)

Black and White.

"Don’t be too fat, or too fit or too dark or too white, don’t be too sexual or too chased, or too smart or too dumb, be yourself, but make sure you fit in." - Anna, One Tree Hill

Yesterday a Maori girl on my rugby team said "sorry but you're reeeeeally pale". I answered "Don't be sorry, and I know." *smile* She didn't mean anything by it but really, is this the 50s? Why would anyone even point that out? Haha. I was a little proud of how much I've matured in that sense, 5 years ago that would have made me cringe and make some self-depricating comment. It's what makes me, me.

remember this moment, for it too shall pass.

today was a stressful day. today i almost let my co-workers in on my state of mind. i love being happy. but i'm often very sad. it's my family history and lack of family i guess. but i still consider myself lucky :)

it's easy to when i'm being harassed by tibby-cat for snuggles while typing. or when i'm listening to meiko's sweet voice. it's a good feeling to know that even though i have to be at work at 8:30am every saturday, i have a regular paycheck every tuesday evening that i can spend on pretty things. this week i can actually do that as i'm on track with my moulah. i'd love to find a pair of really nice shorts. that make my butt look good, while still fitting my waist. it's near on impossible i swear.

ramble ramble.

it's nice to see feathers and birds are in print-wise, after confessing my love for them over a year ago. it's not so nice that i feel like i'm in a frump. no exercise. lollies every day to get me through work. i need to start running. but i get short of breath. so short of breath. so easy.

i can't believe how far i've come in a year. last year i was pretend happy. this time i'm real... real. my emotions are real. i'm going to get help for the real lows and i'm enjoying the genuine highs. i'm getting somewhere. today was stressful. but there's always tomorrow :)

i miss blogging. i miss having time to read and having time to write. i'll make more time.

What I Love About... Today.

I hung out the washing and cleaned the back table and it's only 7:45am.
I love being productive.
The net is back on and functioning again. I love Telstra. I will (try to) never doubt them again. I have oats in my belly. I love honey in the morning :) I have a job. A decent job. They pay is poor and there is a lot to learn but it's an income and independence for me. I love that.

I have a boy in my bed that I can now go back to and snuggle for 5 minutes and I love him. Today will be great!

Your turn :)

Technology and me

Aren't friends right now. My enthusiasm for the camera has long since died, along with my self confidence in my health and fitness. My laptop needed reformatting (thank god for online backup!) and then the Internet got cut off by good ol telstra because we were apparently hacked and used to send malicious emails. Great. Me and my iPhone are still on speaking terms, but it's very early on in our relationship. I got it last week. Along with a job at Jb. So I guess life isn't too bad. :P Will return when telstra decides to play nice. Thanks for hanging around :)

edit. The net is back on! Telstra has restored my faith in... them. And I do love my iPhone - it just takes up all my time with crazy little apps. Angry birds anyone?

Date Night 1#

Sometimes the simplest outfits are the best. Especially in the summer time *wipes sweat from brow.* I love looking especially girlie when I go out with David. Partly because we're very similar in height and weight so dresses remind me that I'm the pretty one. Or something like that.

I'd spent all day at home with my new steam mop so I'm so glad David agreed to go out for dinner and a movie. We went to Dome and I had the spinach and ricotta cannelloni and D had a club sandwich. Then we cruised to the cinema to watch True Grit. I was hoping there'd be a 9:15 showing of Black Swan but no such luck! Just means we'll have to add it to our collection when it comes out :)



I spent all weekend gardening so I'm a little behind in the outfit department but just like healthy eating, I refuse to fall off the bandwagon completely (ok, not like healthy eating, because I used to just throw the towel in the whole week if I've had a bad day, yeah.) and I'm pushing on with my 30! I'm also considering cutting my bangs back in, I'm due for a trim either way... what do you think?


Mischa and Daddy having outside time ^ Normally David would be heading north today for the 9 days but he's working from the city all week so we're going to have another 2 full weekends together! :) I guess I am in luck after all.

How To Train Your Dragon

romper: vintage c/o lauren | skirt: just jeans | belt: from valleygirl dress | shoes: novo

These are my favourite shots David has taken for me so far - at the little park at the end of our street, it was just really nice taking the time to do them together. It had been a while. This romper is Lauren's! I love it and can't wait to get more use out of it this month before it has to go home.



It's ridiculously humid and hot here at the moment so my hair wasn't worn like this all day; instead I donned school girl plaits but these photos were post nap-time so a headband was the go. I can never be bothered wearing makeup on warm days, am I the only one? This belt came on my polka dot dress and as soon as I saw it was detachable I knew I had to wear it with this romper - they were made for each other!


I played touch football in the evening and then we had David's cousins stay over to watch the first 3D movie on our new tv. They're 11 and 14 and so much fun. We watched 'How To Train Your Dragon' and then played xbox kinect. I really loved the movie, if you haven't seen it you should. It's so cute and funny... right up there with Monsters Inc (which is my favourite animation film.) We're now on the hunt for new 3D movies to add to our collection, do you know of any must-sees?

The interview of eternal stench.

shirt: jeans west  | dress: kimchi blue | sandals: novo | necklace: portmans  | belt: spricy sugar

Least I looked cute. So the interview was held resting on a tv box in the middle of the store because "the desk and the back is really messy". I'm not too good with interviews let alone interviews where everyone else is watching me so naturally it went less than well... Now I know I'm not good at describing my good qualities in three words, or when put on the spot and asked if I want a position I'm not even interviewing for. The interview ended with "Is there anything else I should know about you?" and I answered "nope." They'll be in touch apparently :p Ah well, it's behind me now. Ultimately I didn't want to drive an hour a day to do a job I didn't love, which is why I hesitated when he said he needed someone to man the computer section...


I picked David up from the train station that evening so we could go late night shopping. We were there to pick up David's sunglasses and as luck would have it, that store was the ONLY one not open. Not our day. We decided to treat ourselves to fish & chips at Ciserello's for dinner - it's so cute and retro inside (there are seniors specials!) and they give you these little beepers so that you know when to collect your order. It was delicious :)


There's one in Freo as well so I'm crossing my fingers that we get one in Rockingham soon! I am loving this 30x30; it makes getting dressed in the morning so much easier and I'm trying new layers I never would have before :)