Last night I got pretty upset at a 'friend's' place. The entire night they were joking around about my pale skin and ranga hair (real original stuff) and I let it slide off me until they brought up the scrapping again... It started to stick. In real life people seem to just want to tear me down. I dunno if it's their way of trying to build a rapport, but it sucks. It happens everywhere I go and I'm sick of it. I've told them previously I don't enjoy it but they kept pushing and pushing and pushing. I ran down the road and when David picked me up I was hysterical. Sometimes I feel I don't belong here.
Like him. I guess he felt he didn't belong here. I wonder what he'd say to me if I he knew I was having these feelings. I just feel extremely alone. Is it so hard to ask for nice friends? Friends that wanna treat me as well as I treat them? I'm no saint, I've taken a joke too far before at the expense of someone else. But unlike the people I'm talking about here, when I realise or when they say something, I stop, I apologise, I don't do it again.
I'd be angry if I could feel emotion today.
Angry at people who tear down others to make themselves feel better, angry at myself for letting them win last night and angry at my dad. Because what he did was selfish and after a year I still have the same unanswered questions that he may never answer. Like I told my nan, if there is an after-life I am going to kick his arse before I let him know I still love him.
